Madelyn, Jessica, Sarah and Mark

Last night was a huge sleep party in my room....meaning the kiddos & I slept in the same bed…
if you can call it sleeping when your hanging on the foot of the bed .... hoping to not get kicked again while listening to the grinding of your son's teeth.

Its so nails on the chalkboard for me...makes my skin crawl.

We, ok rather, they wake up....which means it's time to wake the Mommy. Violently woken by two kids jumping on you...yeah! I’m up, I’m up.

We proceed to enjoy our morning cuddle and tickle time...when Hope just out of the blue stated:

Hope: "When am I going to get a big belly?"

Me: (not quite sure what she's referring too....this could be dangerous to my ego as she & Mark enjoy calling my tummy - jelly belly - go ahead and laugh....sadly it's true) Careful not really wanting my ego hit today I ask, "What do you mean?"

Hope: "When I become a Mommy, I'm going to have three girls and a man. I'm going to call them Madelyn, Jessica.....and Sarah after you Mommy. She laughs, "He he"...(she's got the cutest laugh) And I'll have one man....he will be Mark's twin named Mark."

Me: "Ok, so long as you're done with college and married before any of this takes place."

Hope: "I'm going to get my dph....just like MARK (this was yelled)."

She means PhD but hey...she got the letters so I won't fault her.

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Becoming Elliott ~ Defined

Life is about the journey, it is not about "being, but the becoming."

Definition:

becoming…adj. fit, suitable, congruous, proper, graceful, belonging to the character or adapted to circumstances…

Elliott....Origin: Hebrew, "Close To God"

"This life, therefore, is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness; not health, but healing; not being, but becoming; not rest, but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it. The process is not yet finished, but it is going on. This is not the end, but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified."--- Martin Luther


This blog is about my journey of Becoming Elliott.

Always,
Sara

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"What do you fight in your life?”

A hugely famous blogger (love her... The Pioneer Woman) asked us today what we fight in our lives. I loved the question....maybe because I'm emotionally charged...but I thought I'd share my complete answer here.

You might want to grab a cup of coffee...it’s a long one. :-P

I fight the feeling being overwhelmed and alone when my husband leaves each week to work and live in another city leaving me with our two children and Grandma with dementia whom we also learned has breast cancer. We are blessed it's Stage 0 Cancer and surgery may be enough...but how you do tell someone who doesn't really understand?!?!?

I do try (although not that well…honestly) and fight the feeling of anger toward my Grandmother's son and step-children for not doing a darn thing...for not stepping in to offer help or heck even words of encouragement for her. They are poor examples of family to her and I. (Ok so if this happens to be you...since I don't actually know if any of my ‘side of the family’, aside from my Mother reads this - now you know how I feel and perhaps it's an opportunity to prove me wrong and step up. Anyone?!?!? Come on...you know you want too!)

I fight the urge to call it quits when things get tough...and they seem to be getting tougher....stress regression with Grandma (acting more like a 2yr old because of the stress of her diagnosis) and the Mr will find out in two weeks if he still has a job (thanks Oracle for buying Sun and freaking out, at the very least 5,000 employees) - which keeps us in limbo on our house, the kids school (don't want to take them out of their school but....), just life - until we know.

I fight the feeling of wanting to cry because this is not the life I ‘wanted or dreamed’ of but then I hear stories of others and I feel like the biggest jerk (dude, I so am…I suck.) for complaining....life could be worse, it really could.

I fight the feeling we all do as women of trying to be everything to everybody all the time....and when we fail to be perfect, I fight the feeling of disappointment in myself for not being better, smarter, stronger - more able to make a difference in this world. (Isn't this the truth...don't we???)

January 1st I stated my word for the year and listed the meaning. My word was:

Marathon

And I can tell you ...2009..... Has felt like a marathon. Having run a half marathon, I have a very small glimpse of the mental toll a marathon can play on you. I ran tough and strong the first 10-11 miles but after mile 11....my mind was going. It was a battle to run those last 2.1. I felt like I was falling apart. I doubted myself. I didn't trust I was capable. I could never do this. And despite training for months for this…. I still doubted myself… it didn't matter at mile 12 or even mile 13....my mind said I was done, a failure....that I couldn't do it.

I wanted to quit and I really thought about it but I kept pushing and in the end a fellow runner (thank you Margo Dean) heard my calls (sounded a bit like Thomas the Tank Engine --- "I can do it, I can do it, and I can do it") and she ran beside me. She encouraged me. She lifted me up and pushed me to the end.

This year, 2009, is proving to be a marathon...and while at the moment I feel like I can't do it anymore, that I can’t handle more stress....the truth of the matter...

I've spent my whole childhood training for the tough times. I know how to do this. I know how to bunker down, focus on the important stuff (God & my family), and to allow God to transform us during these tough times to be exactly what He knows we will be.

I have hope in that. I'm not an optistist by nature yet I have so much hope for my family....for my husband, for his personal faith journey...for our extended family (his and mine). And while my hope may or may not be misplaced...it's still there and I'm holding on to it with a vice grip. God is NOWHERE near done working in my life, my Husband, or my family.

We are running a marathon and my family is what I fight for in my life!

Always,
Sara

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Defeated but rewarded...

Ok....so earlier I mentioned I was defeated by the big bad black algae monster....well I decided to reward myself too. He he

I've learned in seven years of marriage that I can't wait for the Mr. to plan a spa day when I'm sore or really tense...that's not his style.

So I took matters into my own hands...keeping the Mr.'s frugality in mind, I was reminded of a friends awesome tool (Thanks Tammy!) to massage them without having to visit a salon for one small price of $35.

Awesome!

I'll now get unlimited massages without having to beg for them from the Mr.

Ok...yeah - I'm out of here now. I'll be in heaven tonight with my new friend, a glass of wine, and So You Think You Can Dance.

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Defeated

It's not a pretty word...

~ defeated ~

Makes me cringe.

I don't like having to use it but the truth is I am defeated.

I tried. I really did. I've been on it for the past month, working so hard to keep things clean and healthy....

but I failed.

It got me. It got me bad. It spread all over everywhere and there was just no stopping it...no matter how hard I tried.

On Monday & Tuesday I did the unthinkable.

I cleared it all out...enough is enough.

And for 8 hours (yes, you read that correctly) I scrubbed. My arms hurt...

but the black algae is gone.

And we'll have a nice pool for July 4th!

Ordered new cartridge filters too...which will help.

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